Whatup world?!?
Today, I want to delve into a powerful concept introduced to me by the esteemed motivational speaker, Jim Rohn: "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." This notion implies that the company we keep significantly shapes our behaviors, attitudes, and ultimately, our success in life. Drawing from my personal experiences, I can vouch for the veracity of this statement. In this blog post, I will explore the ways in which our closest relationships can mold our lives, both positively and negatively.
The Influence of Close Relationships:
The idea that we are the average of our five closest companions is based on social learning theory. This theory suggests that we learn from one another through observation, imitation, and modeling. In short, "monkey see, monkey do." The behaviors, habits, and worldviews of those nearest to us can subtly influence our own, often unbeknownst to us. This is most apparent in how our religious and political beliefs often mirror those of our parents and family—the people we spend a majority of our time with during our formative years. As we grow older and our social circles expand to include friends, teachers, coaches, and coworkers, these beliefs are challenged, and we begin to form our own opinions, albeit influenced by these new interactions.
Now think about your daily routines and behaviors. Most of the friends that you spend time with have similar behaviors and habits. Are you in the "fitness crowd" that takes their nutrition seriously and makes a point of staying physically active? I would guess that you do as well. Or is that something you don't "have time for" and tend to eat at restaurants more often than not, partake in an alcoholic beverage with dinner most nights and are constantly in the social scene? My guess is you have a steady crew of people that are there with you on a regular basis as well.
This is true even more within your household. How many couples have one spouse that eats clean, works out regularly, keeps a consistent sleep schedule and the other spouse, eats whatever is convenient, spends most days and nights buried in a screen, sleeps when tired and wakes whenever their eyes open? I can't think of any that last very long. Either they separate due to "irreconcilable differences," or one succumbs to the lifestyle of the other.
While physical habits and routines are a bit more obvious to see how our surroundings effect us, your friends and close contacts also influence our mindset and attitudes. Imagine being focused on personal development by trying to eat healthier, have a fitness routine, consistent sleep schedule, limit screen time to read. However, your roommate has the TV blaring late into the night, needs the blinds closed and the environment quiet until they wake up at 10 and has sugary snacks fully stalked. It's going to be tough to stick to your goals. You're far more likely to be successful in your personal growth as well if everyone in the house has similar goals. Conversely, constant exposure to negativity or a fixed mindset that "this is just how I am" can hinder your ability to see opportunities and embrace challenges.
This is magnified by ambitions and accomplishments of our peers. They can inspire us to set higher goals for ourselves. If your inner circle is composed of driven, successful individuals, their achievements can motivate you to strive for your own success. They can push you through the difficult times when you want to quit working out, you want to go to town on junk food and alcohol, or give up on your new side hustle. Having successful people around you reminding you of your goals can be the difference in surviving the motivation valley and quitting. They can lead to a positive, upward spiral, where success breeds more success.
How to Create Your Crew:
Recognizing the power of your inner circle is only the first step. Consciously adjusting the people you spend the most time with can have a profound impact on your life trajectory.
Step 1: Take a moment to reflect on your closest relationships. Do these individuals embody the traits and values you admire? Are they supportive and encouraging, or do they bring you down? This is NOT a judgement of anyone or saying that you are better than them. It is strictly a matter of determining if the habits, beliefs and routines of these people match up with the type of person you are trying to be. Taking it back to fitness. If my goal is to get into better physical shape, then I can't keep going to the bar and eating and drinking with the same guys 3 times a week. They're great guys, but that routine is ruining my fitness goals.
Step 2: Now that you've determined the people in your life that are or are on the same path you want to be vs those that aren't, it's time to actively look for people who represent where you want to be in life. This doesn't mean abandoning old friends, but rather expanding your network to include more positive influences. You are trying to launch a new business, find successful business people and invite them to sit down with you and discuss their success. You may be shocked to hear, but successful people like to talk about how they accomplished their successes. The best of them want to be mentors and help others be successful.
Step 3: Remember that this concept is a two-way street. Strive to be a positive influence on those around you, contributing to their success as much as they contribute to yours. So you must try to be a positive influence yourself. Someone may be looking to you as their mentor in some area and you don't even realize it. If you're a parent, you better believe it's constant. Your kids are watching you sit and stare at your phone and TV all day or that you are going on walks and eating healthy.
As much of this blog was about surrounding yourself with people that are where you want to be, that's only half the story. You will be more successful and get there faster when you also give back. This is something that, as a tennis coach, I always had to try to remind people. Students will constantly come to me with things like, "I should only be playing with better players. It's the only way to get better." While playing with better players is PART of the path to success, helping others get to your level will also help you. It helps you evaluate the things that you already do well and be able to pass those things on. It builds your own confidence in what you do well to be able to help the next person. Aside from the fact that line of thinking means that those better players are better PEOPLE than you since they're more willing to play with people not as good as them while you apparently are not.
Basically, the idea that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with is more than just a catchy phrase; it's a reflection of the profound impact our social circle has on us. By being aware of the company we keep and seeking out positive, inspiring relationships, we can shape our habits, mindset, and success in powerful ways. Take control of your social circle and, in turn, take control of your life.
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